Quick thought - in my EJC zoom conference call this morning, I gave a plug for the current album that I listen to every morning when I exercise - Wonderful Wonderful by The Killers. The Man is always my warm up cause it just makes you want to get up and bust a move. That song is about Brandon Flowers and how he used to feel when their group first started out, that he didn't need anyone's help and he knew everything, that's what he's said and what the music video shows. Anyway, song #3 on the album is Rut, which he has said is about his wife when she was struggling with suicidal thoughts. The chorus line says "Don't give up on me, cause I'm just in a rut. I'm climbing but the walls keep stacking up..." When I first heard it, before I knew what it was about, it made me think of my husband and his business. "I'm doing my best to fill them but the cracks are starting to spread.... I've done my best defending but the punches are startin' to land...." My husband has been trying so hard for so long to get it going, but after each crack/punch/problem he fixes or overcomes, there is another usually even bigger wall in the way. It's so hard, but as the song says "I'll climb and I'll climb, and I'll climb and I'll climb, I'll climb and I'll climb" Ugh, it just doesn't end and probably won't until we're dead, so keep climbing.
Then I also thought about how I'm in such a rut with feeling discouraged sometimes, esp during PMS, and I know it's hormones, but I just feel like giving up, so recently as I listened to Rut on a treadmill walk, I was looking at myself in the mirror that's in front of my treadmill and was talking to myself, and I was surprised that I got a little teary as I told myself "Don't give up on me, cause I'm just in a rut" and I also thought of this facebook video that I shared earlier by Truth Bomb Mom about the things we tell ourselves -
I wouldn't tell those things to my 5 year old self, and I'd call out anyone who WAS saying that to little kindergartner me and tell them to stop, and guess what self, that little girl IS still ME! So call 'em out and stop and shut up those mean and negative things in my head. Which came full circle in my head back to the EJC and the Courage Challenge, where Holly taught about acceptance and that we need to accept ourselves and talk to ourselves and we would talk to a child - with support, love, and encouragement. So, now I've put a picture of my younger self there by my treadmill mirror, to remind my current sometimes overwhelmed self to say good things to my little 5 year old cute self and encourage her on her goals and dreams. Don't give up on me!
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